


Not on my Church of Seiros Minecraft server

by UmbreonGurl



Series: FE3H Minecraft AU [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: AU, Crack, Gen, Marianne is a gamer, golden-deer centric, minecraft au, no beta we die like men, spoiler free
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-01 19:29:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20380369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmbreonGurl/pseuds/UmbreonGurl
Summary: The chatlogs of the Garreg Mach Minecraft Server. Factions, PVP enabled.





	1. Claude, what did you do?

EpicGamerClaude has joined the game.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: yo anyone got any extra sticky pistons?

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ur not going to make more redstone traps everywhere are u?

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ...maybe 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: try not to fall in one of ur own pitfall traps again

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: of course I won’t fall in my own traps i’m a pro gamer Hilda smh

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: also holy shit did Edelgard seriously raid Flayn’s house again? the place is trashed

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: oh no D: Flayn worked so hard on rebuilding it

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: you’d think she’d learn to stop building by spawn

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: she said she liked the pretty view too much 

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ain’t much of a view left anymore lmao its just kinda a crater now

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: damn she really went all out this time 

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ok but for real where does Edelgard keep getting all this tnt from

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Hubert. He gives her anything she asks for. If he doesn’t have what she wants he goes and grinds for it. 

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: The other day he was up til 3am making her a perfect set of enchanted diamond armor. 

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: actually that explains a lot 

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: wait Lysithea since when have you been on? 

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I’ve been online since before you logged in, Claude.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: oh

EpicGamerClaude fell from a high place.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: shit nobody touch my stuff

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Ha, loser.

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Shut up, Lorenz. You dug straight down right into lava yesterday. 

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: Ha, loser.

(Deer) Jeraltstan: Claude did you fall into your own traps again

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: no

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Yes, yes he did.

EpicGamerClaude fell from a high place. 

(Deer) horsegirluwu: bruh

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: okay so maybe I did but to be fair making these is not easy

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ok but do you really need to make so many tho?? like i went to use the farm and almost fell into one

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: of course i do. you’ll appreciate them when the eagles try to raid us again lmao 

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Claude, don’t you mean “if” the Black Eagles try to raid us again?

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: no I mean when because as soon as her royal highness logs on shes gonna be pissed

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: claude what did you do

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Claude, what did you do?

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Claude, what did you do?

(Deer) Jeraltstan: Claude what did you do

(Deer) horsegirluwu: claude did you do something stupid again goddamnit i just want to tame some fucking horses in peace

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: did… marianne just curse?? holy shit??

(Deer) Jeraltstan: have you never seen her talk online Hilda? Mari swears like a sailor

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: why do you guys always assume I did something horrible all I did was cover her base in lava

(Deer) horsegirluwu: fuck this im going to go play pokemon

horsegirluwu has left the game.

Supermeatboy has joined the game.

(Deer) Supermeatboy: yo whats up guys? sorry I’m late a bro of mine needed me to spot him

(Deer) Supermeatboy: Ignatz said hed be on soon too

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: claude what the fuck

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: ^

(Deer) Jeraltstan: ^ 

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: That is what I believe Marianne referred to as a “Claude moment.”

(Deer) Supermeatboy: oh no what did Claude do this time?

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Covered Edelgard’s base in lava, which basically is gonna put the Black Eagles on the warpath again.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: oh cmon you guys have no faith in me

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: You haven’t given us a reason to, Claude.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ok but get this my plan is foolproof

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: dimitri left his acct logged in at the library and I used his account to do it

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: i had to work fast tho before dedue found out

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: you do realize once dimitri finds out we’re gonna have both the other houses on our ass right

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: thats what the traps are for theyre a contingency plan

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: worst case if that doesnt work I’ll suck up to teach to make her give me godmode

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: She won’t give you godmode, Claude.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: yes she will

(Deer) Jeraltstan: no she wont

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: No she won’t

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: yall are party poopers

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: im not gay ok

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: fuck wrong chat

(Global) (Lions) FighterFraldarius: This just in: Sylvain is a fucking moron.

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: D: 

(Global) (Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Sylvain you idiot use the faction chat

(Global) (Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: you sure ur not gay bro id be down

(Global) (Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: i thought u and hubert have a thing going tho

(Global) (Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: nah rn hes still too busy tryna suck Edel’s toes to notice me

ArtMan445 has joined the game.

(Deer) Supermeatboy: hey Ignatz! :D

(Deer) Artman445: Hello, Raphael.

(Deer) ArtMan445: What did I miss?

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Nothing much, Claude is just starting a war again.

(Deer) ArtMan445: Claude, you couldn’t have waited until after I had finalized a deal with Linhardt for his enchanted books?

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: no I had one chance and I took it while I had the opportunity

(Deer) Artman445: -_- 

(Deer) Supermeatboy: why is there a hole in the farm

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: oh whoops thats my bad gimme a hot sec and ill come fix it

(Deer) Supermeatboy: great thanks

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Lysithea, I think we should probably start stocking up on potions. We will likely need them for the coming incursion.

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I agree. For once, Lorenz, you actually have a good idea.

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Lysithea, that was uncalled for.

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: No it wasn’t.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: Ha, loser.

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Claude, as Marianne once put it, “shut your whore mouth.”

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: speaking of marianne whered she go

(Deer) Jeraltstan: she said she was leaving to go play pokemon

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: oh ok you dont think she’d mind if i borrowed dorte jr for a bit would she

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: claude whatever you do do not touch dorte jr just take my horse 

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: which one is ur horse

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: look for the one with the stupid name I stole it from Ferdinand

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: sir handsome the second? 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: yeah thats it

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: sweet thanks hilda

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Which one of you finished my oreos?

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: not me

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: not me

(Deer) Artman445: not me

(Deer) Supermeatboy: wasn’t me

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: ‘Twas not I.

(Deer) Jeraltstan: not me

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: When I find out who did this, they will be catching these hands.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: lysithea you’re literally a gremlin i dont think you can hurt any of us

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Watch me.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: whoah calm down there tiger its just oreos

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Just oreos? Bitch those were my oreos.

EpicGamerClaude —> PrettyGirlGoneril: i ate her oreos how fucked am I

PrettyGirlGoneril —> EpicGamerClaude: very

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: hey lysi check your dms

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I will in one second.

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Claude you’re dead.

EpicGamerClaude —> PrettyGirlGoneril: hilda what the fuck

PrettyGirlGoneril —> EpicGamerClaude: sorry bro but i didnt wanna get blamed for it

EpicGamerClaude —> PrettyGirlGoneril: traitor

PrettyGirlGoneril —> EpicGamerClaude: hoes mad

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: will you forgive me if I replace them

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: No.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: what if i replace them with an extra box as an apology

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Fine. Send me the money right now.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: damn lysithea cant i just give you the money tomorrow?

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: No.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: fine.

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Thanks for doing business.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: damn lysi you gonna rob me blind

(Deer) Jeraltstan: Claude shut the hell up you’re stacked

AdrestianPrincess has joined the game. 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: oh shit here we go

EdelgardWorshipper1 has joined the game.

(Deer) Artman445: Oh no. This is bad.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: one sec imma msg mari to get back on shes gonna wanna see this lmao

horsegirluwu has joined the game.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: i heard shit was about to go down

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Oh, it most certainly is, Marianne. It is about to be as you would say “on like Donkey Kong.”

(Deer) horsegirluwu: who let lorenz speak

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Marianne, you wound me so. I thought we were friends! Noble comrades in arms!

(Deer) horsegirluwu: shut up nerd

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: Which one of you covered my house in lava?

(Global) (Eagles) EdelgardWorshipper1: I will personally murder whichever one of you hooligans covered Lady Edelgard’s house in lava.

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: Hubert. No murder. Not in real life, at least.

(Global) (Eagles) EdelgardWorshipper1: Of course, Lady Edelgard.

(Deer) Jeraltstan: we’re fucked thanks Claude

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: relax leonie

(Global) (Eagles) CrestTextbook: you guys do realize the culprit likely won’t confess to the crime, right?

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: I do, but I was hoping they’d confess if I offered to give them some small bit of mercy.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: claude you’re fucked

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: no im not watch this

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: i didn’t do it but

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: perhaps if the culprit will not come forward to admit to their heinous crimes you could check who did it using coreinspect?

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: You know, Claude, that’s not a half-bad idea. 

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: thanks i try

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: see guys we’re gonna be just fine

(Deer) horsegirluwu: lmao this gonna be wild

(Deer) Supermeatboy: im just gonna keep on farming and pretend i never saw this happen

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: why did I just get a message saying we are at war with eagles??

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: I am willing to offer a stack of diamonds for the coordinates of Dimitri’s base. 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: oh shit here we go

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: see look it worked

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: For now it has.


	2. His Highness, King of Weed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dimitri logs on only to be very confused about why Edelgard thinks he raided her base.

HisHighness has joined the game. 

(Global) (Lions) HisHighness: Why does Edelgard think I put lava on her base?

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: because according to coreinspect, you did. why do you not remember doing it or somethin?

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: holy shit claude you are really playing with fire here you’re gonna get urself busted

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: no im not just trust me

(Global) (Lions) HisHighness: I do not recall doing any such thing, no.

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: were u high or smthn? if so, who’s your dealer “hishighness”, king of weed

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: heh king of weed thats a good one

(Global) (Eagles) BrigidPride: Caspar, are you not supposed to be having class right now?

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: oh shit i lost track of time byeeeee

Caspartheghost has left the game. 

(Global) (Lions) HisHighness: I do not understand what is so funny about my name.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: does dimitri not know what weed is or something? weed is funny thats just the way the world works

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: because weed puns are funny duh

(Global) (Lions) HisHighness: But my name isn’t a weed pun?

(Deer) horsegirluwu: ngl claude this feels kinda cruel pinning the blame for the lava on this defenseless puppy of a dude

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: listen marianne we gotta do what we gotta do yafeel me

(Deer) horsegirluwu: it really be like that sometimes dont it

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: it do

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: but it is???

(Global) (Lions) HisHighness: No, it isn’t.

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: what are you a boomer? your user literally has the word high in it

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: that automatically makes it a weed pun.

(Global) (Lions) HisHighness: Sylvain made this account for me, is there a way to change the username?

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: of course there is. Press alt + f4 and it will bring up the menu

(Global) (Lions) HisHighness: Ah, thank you, Marianne. Glad to know there are some respectable people in Claude’s house of hooligans.

HisHighness has left the game.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: lol gottem

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: hey has anyone seen my pink dye

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: nvm found it

(Deer) Artman445: Hilda, are you going to dye all the sheep pink again?

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: no

HisHighness has joined the game.

(Global) (Lions) HisHighness: I take it back, the Golden Deer are all hooligans.

(Global) (Deer) LorenzHGloucester: I demand you take that back. I am not a hooligan. 

(Deer) horsegirluwu: yes you are you’re just a stuck up hooligan

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Why are you so cruel online? What happened to quiet, demure, shy Marianne?

(Deer) horsegirluwu: she died and became a gamer

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: hold up dimitri i gotchu bro but ur gonna have to log off to change ur user

HisHighness has left the game. 

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: someone remind me later i still gotta make dedue an account

(Global) (Lions) FighterFraldarius: How many times do we have to tell you to use the faction chat, idiot?

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: hey is golden deer accepting members because im being bullied here

(Global) (Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Sylvain, just use the faction chat please. You can’t join the Golden Deer.

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: we aint taking any new members anyways rn

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: especially from outside our class

PrinceDimitri has joined the game.

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: wb king of weed

(Global) (Lions) PrinceDimitri: Please stop calling me that, Claude.

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: never. git gud weed king

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: does anyone want to be nice and get me some iron :)))

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Hilda, why don’t you get some yourself? 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: dont wanna its ok ill just steal more from ferdinand

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: he was stupid enough to let me tp to him in his base and i set a home there lmao

(Deer) Jeraltstan: does he not know you’ve been taking his stuff

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: i dont think he’s noticed ive been taking his shit

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: either that or he doesnt care

(Deer) horsegirluwu: who the fuck touched dorte jr i dont see him

(Deer) horsegirluwu: or any of the other horses for that matter wtf

(Deer) Supermeatboy: I built a new stable and moved all the horses there, Mari :D here one sec ill show u where it is

(Deer) horsegirluwu: oh cool thanks raph

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Are you guys all ready for the exam on Thursday?

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: whoops i forgot about that hey lysi can i get a copy of ur notes

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: No, Hilda.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ill buy you some of those really fancy sweets u like if u share

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: As tempting as that is, Hilda, you need to start taking your own notes.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: hey lorenz can i have a copy of your notes

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Lorenz, do not give her your notes.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: please lorenz you handsome devil i could really use your amazing help

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Since you asked so nicely, Hilda, you may have a copy of my notes.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: thx lorenz!! <33 u da best truly a man of exquisite taste

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Lorenz, I have lost what little faith I had in you.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: >implying anyone had any faith in lorenz

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Can we get the old Marianne back please?

(Deer) horsegirluwu: what do you mean I was always like this

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: No, you were not.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: yes i was you just never knew

(Deer) horsegirluwu: i just only release my true inner self online

BylethEisner has joined the game.

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: oh hey teach whats up

(Global) (Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Hello, professor.

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: hey professor can I join the golden deer ingrid and felix are bullying me D:

(Global) (Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: No we’re not??

(Global) (Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Who said we’d take him???

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: I never agreed to this teach please don’t

(Global) (Lions) FighterFraldarius: I am idk about Ingrid though

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: okay well felix at least is bullying me please professor 

(Global) (Professor) BylethEisner: I’m not changing your house on the minecraft server if you’re not in my class, Sylvain.

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wait does that mean you’d let me join if i switched to ur class? theres a chance???

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: teach please don’t do this to us im begging

(Global) (Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: we dont want him

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ok I take it back theyre all mean too i dont want to switch

(Global) (Professor) BylethEisner: The shop is now finished being set up. 

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: thanks teach you’re the best

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: hey btw wanna give me godmode??

(Global) (Professor) BylethEisner: No, Claude.

(Deer) Jeraltstan: see we told you she wouldn’t give you godmode Claude

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ya ^

(Deer) Artman445: ^

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: ^

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: I concur.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: lorenz you broke the chain smh

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: Why are yall so mean to me 

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: i rlly thought sucking up to her for godmode would work D:

BylethEisner —> EpicGamerClaude: You do know I can see all the faction chats, correct? I will not be giving you godmode, “sucking up” or not.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: i forgot she could see faction chats sorry teach

(Global) (Professor) BylethEisner: I need to go do some work. Stay out of trouble.

(Global) (Eagles) BrigidPride: Goodbye, Professor.

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: bye teach

(Global) (Lions) PrinceDimitri: Goodbye, Professor.

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: bye professor

BylethEisner has left the game.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ok now that teach is gone what should I do if his highness found out i did it

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: You know she can read the logs, right?

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: shit

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: youll be fine she rarely ever does she doesnt have the time trust me otherwise id be screwed too

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ok phew

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: wait hilda why would you be screwed what did you do?

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: i may or may not have admitted to cheating on a test

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: oh i thought it was gonna be something juicy and exciting

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: lmaooo we all kinda already knew u did that and i suspect teach does too

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: wait she knew???

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: bruh no wonder i got such a shitty grade on that i knew the answers were right

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Who took my diamond sword?

(Deer) Artman445: That was me, sorry Lysithea. I’ll repair it and put it back when I’m done.

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Ignatz you owe me bigtime but I’ll forgive you just this once.

(Deer) Artman445: I’ll make you a better one later.

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Deal.

(Deer) Supermeatboy: why did I just hear something blow up? 

(Deer) horsegirluwu: that was me just ignore it

(Deer) Supermeatboy: Mari what are you doin?

(Deer) horsegirluwu: what I should have done a long time ago

(Deer) horsegirluwu: tnt mining

(Deer) Supermeatboy: oh ok cool can I join in? I need to get more iron to make some armor.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: sure raph just head down the mineshaft a bit you’ll see where i am

(Deer) horsegirluwu: its pretty obvious lol

(Global) (Lions) PrinceDimitri: So I just did some investigating. I knew I didn’t remember putting lava on Edelgard’s base, so why does CoreInspect say I was on at 3pm on Monday?

(Global) (Lions) PrinceDimitri: I was at the training grounds, I shouldn’t have even been online.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: lol claude you’re fucked

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: why do you guys keep saying that I always plan ahead


	3. Claude has no rights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claude gets busted, among other things.

pu55yslayersylvain was shot by EpicGamerClaude using [LorenzHGlockester]

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: hippity hoppity get off of my property

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: broo wtf i came to trade with ignatz

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: then why did you come running and hit me with your iron sword

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: idk you scared me

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ignatz did he really come to trade with you

(Deer) Artman445: No, he didn’t. I don’t know why he was here.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ok that’s what I thought just makin sure tho

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Claude why is your weapon named after me?

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: because it’s a pun and its funny and embarrassing to get killed by you

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: This isn’t funny I demand you change it.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: no

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Change it right now, Claude. Or else.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: or else what? what are you gonna do, stab me?

EpicGamerClaude was slain by LorenzHGloucester using [Sagittae]

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: bruh i didn’t think you’d actually do it holy shit

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Can you guys not start shit for like 5 seconds please?

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: im physically incapable of doing that sorry

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: has anyone gone to the end yet I need to get some purpur to make something

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: you just want purple building blocks for ur house dont lie

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ok so what if i do i want my house to look cool claude

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: is there a problem with that

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: there is one when u get other people to get all the resources for u

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: excuse me i pay them well they are satisfied customers

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: wait u pay them?

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ya

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: how much???

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: depends on what theyre doing for me

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: but ya since shop went up ive been rlly doin quite well for myself look at ./baltop

(Deer) horsegirluwu: hilda what the fuck where did you get all that money

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: i sold all of ferdinands stuff lmao :3

(Deer) horsegirluwu: bruh how much shit did he have you’re absolutely rolling in cash

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ok i might have stolen from some other people as well

(Deer) Jeraltstan: Hilda you didn’t steal from any of us, did you

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ...no

(Deer) Jeraltstan: You sure

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ya

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: positive

(Deer) Jeraltstan: Then who the hell took my iron blocks

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: oh wait yea that was me

(Deer) Jeraltstan: Hilda wtf

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: dont worry ill pay u back for em

(Deer) Supermeatboy: I upgraded the farm so that its way bigger now

(Deer) Supermeatboy: we should be set on food for life

(Deer) horsegirluwu: raph is all u do build and farm

(Deer) Supermeatboy: nah Mari sometimes i go woodcutting and mining for materials. But ya farming is relaxing :D

(Deer) horsegirluwu: understandable

AdrestianPrincess has joined the game.

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: Claude.

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: yo whats up

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: There is something I’m going to need you to explain to me.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: how much u wanna bet she found out

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: I am not taking that bet as the odds of me winning are low.

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: how can the great claude help you ur royalness

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: Ferdinand says he saw you playing Minecraft in the library Monday at 3pm.

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ya so? i play mc there all the time

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: We told you this would come back to haunt you, Claude.

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Even worse, this is likely gonna haunt us as well.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: lol claude i told you you were fucked

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: theres still a chance she doesnt know its gonna be ok

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: Well, Claude, here’s the thing. 

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: Ferdinand was playing too, and your account wasn’t online.

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: Dimitri’s was.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: claude is fucked

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: claude is fucked

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Claude, I believe you are about to be in mortal peril.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: stfu lorenz

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: I was agreeing with you, Marianne.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: so

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: so? i could have been playing singleplayer you know

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ok i take it back im pretty sure she knows or at least suspects it was me

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Really. I would have never guessed, Claude.

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: Claude I’m going to give you the chance now to fess up.

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: If you admit to it now, I may let you leave with your life.

(Deer) Jeraltstan: Claude just admit to doing it

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ^ ya cuz i dont want my house getting blown up by eagles for ur dumb shit

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: I did nothing wtf why are you accusing me??

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: goddamnit claude

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: That’s it. I gave you your chance.

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: wait edelgard no

[The Black Eagles] have declared war on [The Golden Deer]!

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: claude wtf

(Deer) Jeraltstan: Claude wtf

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Claude, what the fuck?

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Claude, I am very displeased with you at the current moment. 

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Look at what you have done!

(Deer) horsegirluwu: lol get rekt claude

(Deer) Artman445: Well, there goes my trade deal with Linhardt.

(Deer) Supermeatboy: I’m going to need to build some defenses for the farm aren’t I?

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: idk why yall are so mad at me she declared war on me not the other way around

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: because u covered her base in lava and started this whole thing???

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: ^ Exactly.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: oh. right. that lol

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: -_-

PrinceDimitri has joined the game.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: oh no did she tell him

(Deer) horsegirluwu: I hope so this is fucking hilarious to watch

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: glad to know you like to watch me suffer

(Deer) horsegirluwu: of course

(Global) (Lions) PrinceDimitri: Claude.

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: Yo.

(Global) (Lions) Prince Dimitri: You’re dead.

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: D:

[The Blue Lions] have declared war on [The Golden Deer]!

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: oh you have got to be fucking kidding me

(Deer) horsegirluwu: are we allowed to start a mutiny

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: bruh you can’t kick me out im the house leader

(Deer) horsegirluwu: there are like 7 of us and 1 of you who do u think is gonna win here claude

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: obviously, me.

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Does Claude even know math??

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: no I know math I’m just factoring in the fact that you’re all stupid

(Deer) Jeraltstan: says the guy who started a WAR.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: I already told you guys I had a perfectly good reason for that. 

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Not good enough. Someone get me his coords.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: i gotchu lysithea

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: wtf marianne i thought we were cool

(Deer) horsegirluwu: we were cool until you started a war fuckass

EpicGamerClaude was slain by OrdeliaOverlord using [Cupcake]

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: omfg lysi are you serious you named your sword cupcake!? bruh

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: You have no room to talk about weapon names being stupid.

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I just picked up your bow named “LorenzHGlockester.”

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Lysithea, give me that bow so I may properly dispose of it.

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: No. Despite the name, it’s a perfectly good bow. I’m keeping it and renaming it.

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: That is acceptable. Rename it as soon as possible, please.

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: And send me a picture of it when you’re done renaming it.

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I’m not sending you a picture of it.

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Why not?

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Because it’s my bow.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: excuse me thats my bow?

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Claude, you lost all your Minecraft rights when you started a war.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: I never started a war they did wtf

EpicGamerClaude was shot by OrdeliaOverlord using [ClaudeHasNoRights]

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: lysi stop killing me please this isnt funny anymore

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: No.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: wait a second was that my bow

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Read the name. It’s my bow now. You have no rights.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: #claudehasnorights keep it goin fellas

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: #claudehasnorights

(Deer) Jeraltstan: #claudehasnorights

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Claude has no rights.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: someone mute lorenz he messed it up

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Marianne, I will not stand for your harassment of me any longer.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: oh? what are you gonna do about it big boy

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: If you do not cease, I will be forced to take action.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: oooo im soooooo scared

LorenzHGloucester was slain by horsegirluwu using [shrekt]

(Deer) horsegirluwu: lmao git gud 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: lorenz just a bit of advice here

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: dont fuck with marianne on any videogame

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: actually just dont fuck with marianne period

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: she may seem cute but she will actually fuck you up

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: I seem to have underestimated you, Marianne.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: no rlly i didnt notice when i kicked ur ass 

(Deer) horsegirluwu: you suck at pvp lorenz holy shit

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: I do not “suck” at anything.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: false

(Deer) horsegirluwu: you suck at pvp and thats a fact

EpicGamerClaude was slain by AdrestianPrincess using [Diamond Axe]

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ngl i feel a bit bullied here

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: Too bad.


	4. Hilda, don't do it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Claude is busy doing other things for once, and Hilda is.... well, Hilda.

(Global) (Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: wtf all my ores are gone

(Global) (Eagles) BrigidPride: Ferdinand, did you forget you had been moving??

(Global) (Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: oh right I forgot i set a new home oops thanks Petra

(Deer) Jeraltstan: did you hear that Hilda? he’s moving you’re gonna have to find someone else to steal from now

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: no im not watch this

(Global) (Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: hey ferd do u still need ores?? i can hook u up <3

(Global) (Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: awww thanks Hilda thats so sweet of you I appreciate it

(Global) (Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: if you have any extra iron I’d love that

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Is he really that stupid?

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: yup

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: seems that way

(Global) (Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: of course!!! <33 give me a second then ill tpa to u with some

(Global) (Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: thanks Hilda

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: hook line and sinker

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: its honestly kinda sad im giving him back some of his own iron lmao

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Hilda, have you no honor?

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Lorenz, are you seriously asking someone who admitted to cheating on a test if they have honor?

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: That is a fair point, Lysithea.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: wow you guys really gonna bring that up huh

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Of course we are.

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Where is Claude? He is normally online around now.

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: I believe he said Edelgard had plans to drag him to the training grounds for a sparring match.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: if by sparring match you mean beat him up then yea lmao

(Deer) Jeraltstan: Claude wouldn’t agree to getting beat up would he? Did she drag him there

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: he would agree to being beat up if the professor was doing it

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: its pretty obv he has a big fat crush on her, but edelgard idk

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: i feel like he knows if he doesnt go along with it hes even more fucked lmao

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Wait, Claude has a crush on the professor?

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ya definitely

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: either that or hes planning something wild involving her and im not sure which option is worse

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: actually theres a worse option its both

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: How do you know this, Hilda?

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: please do you have eyes or are you too busy staring at marianne all day

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: I do not stare at Marianne.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ya u do 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: anyways have u not seen claude staring at prof all the time dude is clearly interested

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: but as to whether the reason he is interested in her is romantic or just scheming im not entirely sure

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: tbh i dont blame him for lookin tho prof is dummy thicc

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: I am unfamiliar with the term “dummy thicc”, please explain.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: it means that she hot lorenz

horsegirluwu has joined the game.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: sup gamers

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Hello, Marianne.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: i wanna know who made profs outfit tho 

(Deer) horsegirluwu: why do u want one or smthn

(Deer) horsegirluwu: cuz tbh you could totally rock the crop top and shit

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: no i wanna know who made it cuz its horrible and whoever made that shit should be arrested

(Deer) horsegirluwu: hilda have u seen some of the shit u wear for casual clothes

(Deer) horsegirluwu: im sorry but they aint much better

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: excuse me i only wear the most fashionable of outfits idk wtf ur on about

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: besides i made some of the accessories myself

(Deer) horsegirluwu: that explains why they are all obscenely pink

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: excuse you pink is a great color

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: and my brother says all the bracelets and necklaces i send him are amazing

(Deer) horsegirluwu: ok but hes ur brother of course he’ll say anything u send him is great

(Deer) horsegirluwu: he spoils u rotten

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: no he doesnt

(Deer) horsegirluwu: yes he does

EpicGamerClaude has joined the game.

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Well, well. Would you look at who finally decided to show up.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: everything hurts

(Deer) horsegirluwu: wow edelgard rlly beat the shit outta u huh

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: no she didnt

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Please, Claude. Spare us the dramatics. We all know she could bench press you if she wanted to.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: im not being dramatic

(Deer) Jeraltstan: Claude i dont think you’re able to not be dramatic you’re kinda a shitlord

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: me? a shitlord? never no way 

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: i might head to the infirmary i think i maybe broke smthn

(Deer) Artman445: Honestly, that doesn’t surprise me. 

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: note to self - dont piss Edelgard off, i think dimitri kinda wants to beat me up too tbh

(Deer) horsegirluwu: more than kinda but ya

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: anyways imma go now or im not gonna make it to the infirmary before i pass tf out

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Goodbye, Claude.

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Just because Edelgard beat you up doesn’t mean you have rights again.

EpicGamerClaude has left the game.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: im honestly not surprised he got beat up

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Me either. Have you seen her with those axes? 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ya shes swole

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: hell she could probs take raph in arm wrestling i bet

(Deer) Supermeatboy: excuse me my muscles are the strongest around no way id let her win

(Deer) Supermeatboy: besides didn’t you beat me one time at it Hilda? granted i wasnt on my best game that day but still 

(Deer) horsegirluwu: wait miss im too weak too frail to do anything beat u at arm wrestling

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: that never happened you must be imagining things

(Deer) horsegirluwu: bruh hilda hold up i wanna hear more abt this

(Deer) Supermeatboy: whatever you say, Hilda

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: if its whatever i say im saying it didnt happen so stop bringing it up

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: u shut up too marianne

(Deer) horsegirluwu: wow hilda u hurt my feelings im gonna cry

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: wait marianne dont cry im sorry i didnt mean it 

(Deer) horsegirluwu: its ok i wasnt serious lol

(Deer) horsegirluwu: i can talk tough shit and take it right back

(Deer) Artman445: Marianne, you almost cried the other day when someone looked at you funny.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: ok listen online is different than irl

(Deer) horsegirluwu: irl im baby ok

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: if that aint a mood

(Deer) horsegirluwu: shut up hilda if u can beat raph at arm wrestling u aint no baby

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: i thought i told u to not talk abt that

(Deer) horsegirluwu: u did i just dont listen

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: >:(

(Deer) Artman445: The enchantment table is now fully upgraded and ready for level 30 enchants.

(Deer) Jeraltstan: sweet thanks Ignatz

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ya thanks ignatz

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: anyone got any spare xp/lapis and dont mind enchanting something for me

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Hilda, do you not ever go mining for yourself?

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: no ive already told you i buy most everything from shop or from someone else

(Deer) horsegirluwu: oh so u bought ferdinands stuff then

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ok everyone but ferd

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: hey Ignatz i’ll pay you to enchant something for me <3

(Deer) Artman445: I’m a bit busy here, Hilda.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ya and im a bit busy too so lemme buy your exp off you for my enchanting needs

(Deer) Artman445: No.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: :( 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: fuck it imma go check if ferd has some of those xp bottles i can steal

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I wouldn’t recommend that. I think he’s still online right now.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: eh itll be fine

PrettyGirlGoneril was slain by IamFerdinandvonAegir using [Nobleman Supreme]

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ok i take it back it is not fine i repeat it is not fine

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Hilda, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

(Global) (Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: hilda have you been stealing from my chests

(Global) (Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: no

(Global) (Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: then why were you at my house

(Global) (Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: just visiting <3333

(Global) (Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: oh okay my bad sorry you scared me give me a second and you can tpa for your stuff back

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: actually things might be ok hes stupid

(Global) (Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: actually wait a second is this my armor Hilda you had my stuff on you

(Global) (Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: nvm im not giving you your stuff back you were stealing and its mostly my stuff anyways >:(

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: crap

(Global) (Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: Hilda you are hereby banned from my house

(Global) (Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: but ferd we had a good thing going :((((

(Global) (Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: we did until you stole from me Hilda

(Global) (Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: you wouldn’t happen to know where Sir Handsome the Second is, would u Hilda

(Global) (Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: who

(Global) (Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: my horse

(Global) (Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: oh ya i stole it then let claude borrow it then he got it killed lol

(Global) (Eages) IamFerdinandvonAegir: wow Hilda I honestly feel so betrayed rn

(Deer) horsegirluwu: well now who r u gonna steal from now hilda

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: assuming sylvain is still stupid enough to let any girl who breathes into his house

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: im gonna try him next

(Deer) horsegirluwu: seems like a solid plan to me tbh


	5. Who are these people?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The server gets some strange unwanted visitors, so Byleth has to change the server to whitelisted. (Among other things.)

EpicGamerClaude has joined the game.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ok what else can i do in this game

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: wym

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: if i do anything fun edelgard will beat me up again :((

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: and maybe dimitri too idk

(Deer) Supermeatboy: have you tried farming???

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: no why

(Deer) Supermeatboy: i find farming to be rlly fun and a great way to earn some cash with the shop

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ok but what exactly do u do u just sit there and watch the plants grow??

(Deer) Supermeatboy: well tbh the farm is big enough that u can start harvesting and by the time u finish

(Deer) Supermeatboy: the other side of the farm should have grown back

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ngl raph that doesnt sound super exciting

(Deer) Supermeatboy: it isn’t exciting but I enjoy it anyways

(Deer) horsegirluwu: you could always try mining

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ngl marianne that sounds pretty boring too

(Deer) horsegirluwu: listen tnt mining is anything but boring

(Deer) horsegirluwu: but hey just ignore the only one of us who is a certified pro gamer why dont you

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: minecraft is meant to be a calming game claude

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: its not meant to be exciting

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: hilda how tf would u know all u do is steal and shop on this game

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: like i get why Mari would know shes a gamer but u? nah

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: i do more than that idk wtf u mean

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: oh yea? like what

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: i occasionally build shit too

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: you built like one thing then went back to stealing and gossipping

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: id appreciate it if u stopped bringing up the stealing i dont want to be known for that

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: you literally do it all the time how do u expect to not be known for it

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: its simple u just dont get caught

(Deer) horsegirluwu: but u did get caught tho hilda

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: i dont see how thats relevant

MorningEliwood has joined the game.

(Global) MorningEliwood: How do you tame a horse in minecraft

(Global) MorningEliwood: wait a second wrong server

MorningEliwood has left the game.

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: who the hell was that

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: I have no idea.

(Global) (Lions) PrinceDimitri: I, too, am befuddled as to the identity of that individual.

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ok but how the hell did they even find this server like wtf teach said it was private

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: It is. At least, it’s supposed to be.

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: I can check with her about it later. I believe she had said she has meetings right now.

(Global) (Lions) PrinceDimitri: Perhaps it was one of the professor’s friends?

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: she has friends other than us???

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: Of course she does, Claude. A teacher has more people in their life other than their students.

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: Why, just the other day I saw her having tea with Seteth.

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: wait when and where

(Global) (Lions) PrinceDimitri: Claude, might you perhaps be jealous?

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: nope

(Global) (Lions) AdrestianPrincess: You are, aren’t you.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: better watch out claude looks like ur not the only one whos hot for teacher

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: excuse u i am not hot for teacher

(Deer) horsegirluwu: lol ya u r but chill it was probs a faculty meeting or smthn

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ok but do faculty meetings usually involve two people and tea? no

(Deer) horsegirluwu: but prof meets everyone for tea

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: wait fuck i thought teach and I had a special thing going she takes everyone else too?

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: wait did u rlly think she only took u out to tea

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: she takes everyone for tea at some point or another and discusses their progress

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: she even took lorenz to tea i think that says something

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: wait she actually invited lorenz to tea?

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ya lol

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ok yeah if she takes him to tea then it doesnt mean anything

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Excuse me, Claude, but I do not understand what you mean by that. I am the perfect guest for a tea party.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: yea if u wanna be bored to death

(Deer) horsegirluwu: you always ramble on abt how great and noble u r

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: That is untrue. I do not.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: i cant believe i thought i was special smh

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: she even ate lunch with me yesterday does that mean anything or is that worthless too

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: she eats like 5 times a day and shares meals with everyone my guy

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ur not special

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: yes i am

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: no u aint

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: bruh

XxxEpicOwainxxX has joined the game

(Global) XxxEpicOwainxxX: hello gamers lets get this bread, my sword hand is ready for action!!!

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: who tf r u and how did u get here

(Global) XxxEpicOwainxxX: wait a second ur not luci who r u this is her server right

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: dude this is the professors server wym who is luci

(Global) XxxEpicOwainxxX: who tf is the professor

(Global) XxxEpicOwainxxX: wait this is fireemblem13.minecraft.net right

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: No, it isn’t. Our server is fireemblem16.minecraft.net.

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: Did you perhaps type in the wrong address?

(Global) XxxEpicOwainxxX: oh whoops i probably did

(Global) XxxEpicOwainxxX: have a nice day sorry to bother u

XxxEpicOwainxxX has left the game.

(Global) (Lions) PrinceDimitri: Well. Today has been rather eventful, hasn’t it.

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: that’s one way to put it

(Global) (Lions) PrinceDimitri: Maybe I should tell the professor about the visitors we’ve been getting.

(Global) (Lions) PrinceDimitri: I believe that by now, she should be finished with her meetings.

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: Good idea, Dimitri.

BylethEisner has joined the game.

(Global) (Lions) PrinceDimitri: Good day, professor.

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: Hello, professor.

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: oh hi teach

(Global) (Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: hi prof

(Global) (Professor) BylethEisner: From now on, I’m changing the server to having a whitelist.

(Global) (Professor) BylethEisner: If anyone you know has not previously been on before, and wants to, please notify me with their username.

(Global) (Professor) BylethEisner: Hopefully, this should help stop the flow of unwanted guests.

(Global) (Professor) BylethEisner: If it doesn’t, however, please let me know and I’ll try to fix it.

(Global) (Lions) PrinceDimitri: Thank you, professor.

(Global) (Eagles) AdrestianPrincess: Yes, thank you. We appreciate it.

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: thanks teach youre the best

(Global) (Professor) BylethEisner: I have some things I need to go do, so if anyone needs me, you know how to contact me.

(Global) (Deer) EpicGamerClaude: bye teach have a good day

(Global) (Professor) BylethEisner: Thanks, Claude.

BylethEisner has left the game.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: wow claude could u be any more unsubtle

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: wym

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: about prof duh

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: what about her

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: what do you mean what about her

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: bruh

horsegirluwu —> PrettyGirlGoneril: I think claude is being shy abt it lmao

PrettyGirlGoneril —> horsegirluwu: wait fr

horsegirluwu —> PrettyGirlGoneril: ya fr

PrettyGirlGoneril —> horsegirluwu: bruh damn

horsegirluwu —> PrettyGirlGoneril: ayup he may be bigbrain when it comes to doing dumb shit

PrettyGirlGoneril —> horsegirluwu: but when it comes to making his heart go doki doki he gets all flustered

PrettyGirlGoneril —> horsegirluwu: mari where did you learn to use the words doki doki are you a weeb

horsegirluwu —> PrettyGirlGoneril: i am not a weeb kthx

PrettyGirlGoneril —> horsegirluwu: sure u arent honey ;)

horsegirluwu —> PrettyGirlGoneril: fr im not tho but ignatz is

PrettyGirlGoneril —> horsegirluwu: wait ignatz is a weeb????

horsegirluwu —> PrettyGirlGoneril: oh yea definitely hes obsessed with naruto lmao

horsegirluwu —> PrettyGirlGoneril: ashe is too i think

horsegirluwu —> PrettyGirlGoneril: ignatz is super shy abt it tho so if u ask him abt it dont tell him i told u

PrettyGirlGoneril —> horsegirluwu: aight bro i gotchu no worries

horsegirluwu —> PrettyGirlGoneril: thx

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: hey is ignatz on rn

(Deer) Artman445: Yes, Hilda, I am. What can I help you with?

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: i heard ur a weeb

(Deer) Artman445: And?

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: how come u never told me ur a weeb i feel betrayed

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: i thought we were tight asf ignatz what happened

(Deer) Artman445: And this is exactly the reason why I didn’t tell you.

(Deer) Artman445: I knew you all would just make fun of me for it.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: we wouldnt make fun of u for it

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ok i take it back we totally would but hear me out here

(Deer) Artman445: -_-

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: we make fun of literally everyone for literally anything so it wouldnt be personal at all

(Deer) Artman445: That doesn’t make it okay, Hilda.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: why not

(Deer) Artman445: Because that’s not the way the world works!

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: why not

(Deer) Artman445: I give up. You’re hopeless.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: awww ily too ignatz even if ur a naruto weeb lmao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so basically the setting's the same except they have access to fun shit like video games and uhhh manga and shit. It's not really modern au so to speak they just have fun shit now. (Just clarifying now as the more I end up writing Ill look back and see I dug myself into a hole with contradictions as I planned nothing and just straight up brain-to-papered this.)


	6. Lysithea, that wasn't incense.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hilda learns not to stash her weed in her desk, and that mining isn't nearly as bad as she first thought. Meanwhile, Lysithea is worried about being expelled for accidental weed acquisition, and Sylvain wants to get a Minecraft girlfriend.

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Hey Hilda why did the incense you had smell funny when I used it?

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: incense?? what incense

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: i dont rmr having any incense 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: lysithea explain???

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: You know how there was one of those Saint day celebrations yesterday right?

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: yeah ik 

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Well, the professor invited me to a ceremony and Ignatz told me you’re supposed to bring incense or fragrant herbs to burn in front of the statues as an offering.

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: But I was running a bit behind and wasn’t able to get any in time so I just took the incense you had in a bag in your desk.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: lysi

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: do you mean the little pouch i stash in my desk

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Yes. That’s the one.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: lysithea that wasnt incense

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: please tell me you didnt burn that at a church ceremony

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: please

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: im begging you please tell me you didn’t

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Wait Hilda what’s wrong with it? What do you mean it wasn’t incense?

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I mean it didn’t smell amazing, don’t get me wrong, but it looked like herbs for incense to me.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: oh lysi my sweet summer child

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I’m not a child, Hilda.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: lysi

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: that wasn’t incense you took

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: that was weed

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Wait what? Why do you have weed in your desk?

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: the better question is why are you taking shit from my desk without asking

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I already told you, I was in a bind for time. Why didn’t you tell me it was weed? 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: because i didnt think you would be stealing it

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: did you actually burn that at a church ceremony lmfaoooo

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I did.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: AHAHAHAHA you got the prof high?????

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: bruh u gotta tell me more abt this this is hilarious

horsegirluwu has joined the game.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: sup gamers

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: mari youre not gonna believe this shit lmao

(Deer) horsegirluwu: what 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: lysi burned weed at a church ceremony as incense

(Deer) horsegirluwu: wait what lmaoooo

(Deer) horsegirluwu: lysi you burned weed in a church ceremony???? also where tf did you get weed?

(Deer) horsegirluwu: who sold lysi weed

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: nobody did she took it from my desk

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I didn’t know it was weed, okay? Do you think I would know what weed looks or smells like? 

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I just thought it was funny incense. 

(Deer) horsegirluwu: lmaooooo

(Deer) horsegirluwu: claude is gonna lose his shit when he hears about this

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: they grow up so fast im gonna cry

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: our little lysi is finally becoming one of us

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: First of all, I’m not little. Second of all, weed is against the rules. Are you crazy? How is this a good thing?

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I don’t get it why are you happy about this. Aren’t we supposed to use this server to chat about mc anyways?

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: because its absolutely hilarious because you can be such a stick in the mud sometimes

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: and we can use minecraft chat to talk abt whatever tf we want

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I am not a stick in the mud. 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: you know what this is so funny i’m not even mad

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ill give you a full set of great diamond armor for this achievement.

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I’m going to be in huge trouble. I don’t see how this is an achievement! 

(Deer) horsegirluwu: is it some of ferds armor lmao

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: yes it was his but its mine now and also its an achievement because its a rite of passage for deer to do stupid shit lysi you should know this

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I’ve never broken a rule in my life. I can’t do this right now. Hilda this isn’t funny my life is going to be ruined. 

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: It’s going to go on my academic record I bet if I get found out.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: relax lysi theyre not gonna expel you for a little weed.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: did anyone make any funny faces? 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: I bet they didn’t even notice it and if they did nobody would ever think it was you you’ll be fine lysi

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: IT’S NOT GOING TO BE FINE HILDA!

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: lysi are you ok? are you gonna cry? i know school is like rlly important to u im sorry

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: No I’m not gonna cry im not a CHILD.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: awww itll be okay <3

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: you can just blame it on me if anyone catches u since its my weed 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: im sure if someone finds out and you explain you thought it was incense

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Thanks, Hilda.

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I’m sorry for stealing your…. Weed. I really didn’t think it was anything important I couldn’t replace.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: dw about it its ok i already said its hilarious

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: and who said it wasn’t replaceable? 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: we have some planted in a back corner of the greenhouse lol

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: why don’t you come mine with me for a bit im sure itll make u feel better

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Okay.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: wait hilda you are actually mining wtf???

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: listen its only because people have stopped being idiots and started to stop letting me into their bases

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: im not doing it cuz i want to

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: altho i do have to admit its kinda fun

(Deer) horsegirluwu: who are you and what did you do to hilda

(Deer) horsegirluwu: she would never say doing work is fun

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: hardy har har marianne so funny rub it in why dont you

(Deer) horsegirluwu: sure

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: that was sarcasm

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: also mining isnt work its grinding

(Deer) horsegirluwu: grinding = work theyre the same thing hilda

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: no theyre not

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: also i just found diamonds hell yes

(Deer) horsegirluwu: nice

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: i take it back it was right over lava and the diamonds fell into it this sucks i hate mining

(Deer) horsegirluwu: lmao

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: how do i get a gf in minecraft

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wait this isnt google shit

(Global) (Lions) FighterFraldarius: How do I get an idiot to shut up?

(Global) (Lions) FighterFraldarius: Oh wait, this isn’t google.

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: Felix stop being mean

(Global) (Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Can both of you shut up and use pms or the faction chat?

(Global) (Lions) FighterFraldarius: Tell that to Sylvain. I was only making fun of his stupidity.

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: well excuuuuuuse me princess you did it too

(Global) (Eagles) SexySinger: All of you shut the hell up please. Some people are actually trying to play the game.

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: hey babe wanna be my minecraft gf

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: or do i need to throw an enderpearl to teleport into your dms first

(Global) (Eagles) SexySinger: Sylvain, fuck off, I’m not going to be your minecraft gf.

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: you must be a creeper because every time i see you you explode in my face

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: doro please baby i showed you my diamonds please respond

(Global) (Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Sylvain stop it nobody wants to be your minecraft gf

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: Ingrid you’re no fun but do you wanna be my minecraft gf?

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: please im a lonely e-boy on that grind for diamonds.

(Global) (Eagles) IamFerdinandvonAegir: how many diamonds you want ill be ur minecraft gf

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i already said im not gay ok

(Global) (Lions) FighterFraldarius: Are you sure about that?

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: im positive fuck off felix

(Global) (Lions) FighterFraldarius: :)

EpicGamerClaude has joined the game.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: why was lysithea crying in the library?

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I was not fucking crying, Claude, shut up.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: okay jeez sensitive topic huh?

(Deer) horsegirluwu: claude just drop it

PrettyGirlGoneril —> EpicGamerClaude: i think she had a full on panic attack that she was gonna get expelled for weed so uh

PrettyGirlGoneril —> EpicGamerClaude: dont set her off again please as funny as it is i feel bad that she legit like panicd abt it

EpicGamerClaude —> PrettyGirlGoneril: ya ik i kinda saw her in tears when i went to do some research on stuff in there

EpicGamerClaude —> PrettyGirlGoneril: wait why would lysithea be worried abt getting expelled over weed she doesnt do weed???

PrettyGirlGoneril —> EpicGamerClaude: she stole mine cuz she thought it was incense and needed some for the ceremony today

EpicGamerClaude —> PrettyGirlGoneril: oh no did she actually burn it

PrettyGirlGoneril —> EpicGamerClaude: yup and shes rlly torn up abt it you know how she gets abt school

EpicGamerClaude —> PrettyGirlGoneril: is that why she was crying

PrettyGirlGoneril —> EpicGamerClaude: probably yeah

EpicGamerClaude —> PrettyGirlGoneril: the situation is really funny and i want to laugh my ass off at it but i dont wanna hurt lysi’s feelings. i feel bad she’s that torn up abt it

EpicGamerClaude —> PrettyGirlGoneril: maybe i can just buy her a pack of oreos or smthn and leave it by her door? Or you could since im not allowed in girls side of the dorms

PrettyGirlGoneril —> EpicGamerClaude: as long as u deliver it to my hands and i dont gotta go buy it myself 

EpicGamerClaude —> PrettyGirlGoneril: sure i can do that thx hilda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was actually like "wait for a minecraft server they aint always takin about minecraft" and then I came to a shocking realization: people talk about other things on minecraft than minecraft. So yeah. Also I relate to Lysithea's need for academic success on a spiritual level.


	7. Barbie Horse Adventures: Wild Horse Rescue for the PS2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a problem is caused by a scratched copy of Barbie Horse Adventures: Wild Horse Rescue for the PS2.

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: To whomever the fuck left an entire case of oreos by my door:

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I love you.

PrettyGirlGoneril —> EpicGamerClaude: u know when I agreed to be ur delivery person for the oreos I didnt think u meant an entire case

PrettyGirlGoneril —> EpicGamerClaude: u owe me bigtime i could hardly lift it

EpicGamerClaude —> PrettyGirlGoneril: listen lysi was rlly freaking out ok i panicked

EpicGamerClaude —>PrettyGirlGoneril: besides the axe u lug around is like 3x the weight of a box of fucking cookies dude

PrettyGirlGoneril —> EpicGamerClaude: claude it was a rlly big box of cookies

EpicGamerClaude —> PrettyGirlGoneril: ya ik thats why i got it for lysi

EpicGamerClaude —> PrettyGirlGoneril: like have u seen her with sugar dude

PrettyGirlGoneril —> EpicGamerClaude: fair enough. u shouldve seen her face when she found them by her door

PrettyGirlGoneril —> EpicGamerClaude: she was so happy i swear she jumped up and down a lil bit

EpicGamerClaude —> PrettyGirlGoneril: see thats why i got her a whole case

horsegirluwu has joined the game. 

(Deer) horsegirluwu: who the fuck touched my ps2

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: mari i dont think anyone touched ur video games we arent suicidal

(Deer) horsegirluwu: someone got a scratch on my copy of barbie horse adventures wild horse rescue 

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: is that the cowgirl game u like a ton and play like all the time

(Deer) horsegirluwu: yes and on jah imma find out who scratched it

(Deer) horsegirluwu: and kick their ass

(Deer) horsegirluwu: i lost my like 200+ hr save file because they fucking messed with the memory card

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: wait was that game why i heard you screaming “get in the fucking lasso” at 3am that one time 

(Deer) horsegirluwu: yes

(Deer) horsegirluwu: im assuming none of you did it?

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: As far as I’m aware of, it wasn’t any of us.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: cool

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: alright fuckers which one of you touched my ps2

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: because whoever did scratched my copy of barbie horse adventures wild horse rescue

(Global) (Eagles) Berniebear: oh… um… it was…

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: it was me!!!! i did it. sorry. it was an accident. i just wanted to play some barbie yfeel

Berniebear —> Caspartheghost: asdhsfhdbab caspar what are you doing!? you didnt do it, i did!

Berniebear —> Caspartheghost: granted it was an accident but it was still me not you why are you covering for me

Caspartheghost —> Berniebear: because thats what good bros do they look out for their friends :D

Berniebear —> Caspartheghost: caspar you really dont need to do this… i can take the hit

Caspartheghost —> Berniebear: listen bernie u already beat urself up about it enough. u dont need someone else to punish u too.

Caspartheghost —> Berniebear: u didnt mean it and i know u will be extra careful next time so just let me cover for u ok? :)

Berniebear —> Caspartheghost: are you absolutely sure about this?? marianne is scary when it comes to her video games. 

Berniebear —> Caspartheghost: also you’ll be known for playing barbie horse games caspar. do you really want to be known for that?

Berniebear —> Caspartheghost: just let me handle it okay? im sure if i beg for mercy she won’t kill me.

Caspartheghost —> Berniebear: trust me just let me do it. i got this bernie. tough guys can play barbie too and anyone who says otherwise is wrong.

Caspartheghost —> Berniebear: i don’t care if people think i play barbie horse games. 

Caspartheghost —> Berniebear: if they think im not tough for doing so then they can fight me and ill show em how tough i am :) 

Berniebear —> Caspartheghost: if you’re sure… 

Caspartheghost —> Berniebear: i’m sure. don’t worry marianne talks tough shit online but irl shes not that scary. i think.

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: caspar are u srsly telling me u were playing barbie horse adventure wild horse rescue

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: yes. i didn’t know that i had accidentally overwritten ur save. didn’t mean to scratch the game either. i just accidentally dropped it :(( im sorry marianne

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: you owe me a new copy of the game at a bare minimum 

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: of course!! after all i broke it so i should replace it.

Berniebear —> Caspartheghost: caspar let me cover the costs at least im sure if i beg my dad for some extra money for important school supplies he might send me some

Caspartheghost —> Berniebear: no bernie ur dads an asshole. let me handle it my dad is chill and I can just use some of my allowance money.

Berniebear —> Caspartheghost: but its my fault it broke! i dropped it it should be me who pays for it. 

Caspartheghost —> Berniebear: listen a little money is nothing dw abt it ok? i break shit on accident too so i have plenty set aside. 

Caspartheghost —> Berniebear: ur dad is an asshole and ik he will just hold it over ur head abt it and thats not cool with me

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: you should be glad im not murdering you for losing my save file tho but you playing barbie games is just too funny 

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: thanks for understanding, marianne. i’m so so sorry again. got a new copy on the way for you.

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: aight epic. thanks barbie boy

Berniebear —> Caspartheghost: see i knew this would happen!! theyre going to make fun of you for playing barbie now D:

Caspartheghost —> Berniebear: and i told u im fine with that! i know im tough thats all that matters so seriously bernie no worries. just dont freak out about this ok? accidents happen.

Berniebear —> Caspartheghost: i’ll try. 

Caspartheghost —> Berniebear: thats all im asking for :)

LorenzHGloucester has joined the game. 

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: I have been told that my problem with attracting ladies is that I have not been asking for “feet pics.”

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: But the source of this information is, faulty, at best. How accurate is this information? Is it true?

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: lorenz whatever you do do not ask a girl for feet pics

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: who the fuck told you it was a good idea to ask girls for feet pics 

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Sylvain. Which is why I thought it prudent to ask as to the validity of his claims before trying it for myself.

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: And I am glad I did, as he clearly thought it would be funny to ruin my reputation.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: just a word of advice here lorenz dont trust sylvain’s girl advice he doesn’t know shit 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: actually i take it back he does know a few things but most of what he knows is shit

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: also what reputation your rep is just as shitty as his

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Excuse you, my reputation is impeccable.

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Plenty of ladies want to go out with me. They are merely intimidated by my beauty, that’s all.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: lorenz have u looked in the mirror you have the worst haircut known to man

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: its like some unholy mix of a bowlcut and an undercut and whoever let you walk around like that needs to be punished

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: its almost like someone took the helmets in this game and made a haircut out of them lmfaooo

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: My hair is very stylish, and it does not, in fact, look like a Minecraft helmet.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ok watch this ill get a second opinion hey mari

(Deer) horsegirluwu: what im busy trying to build smthn here hilda

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: doesnt lorenzs hair look like a minecraft helmet

(Deer) horsegirluwu: lmfao u right it totally does

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Marianne does not count as a valid second opinion on this matter as she enjoys bullying me.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: ur just scared to face the facts bowlcut man

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: but ya bro we needa get u a new haircut hell i bet i could do a better job with it then whoever u have cut it

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: because whoever cuts ur hair needa be arrested that shit a crime

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: just like the person that made profs outfit 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: but ya lorenz you could totally rock long hair if u grew it out bro

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: I am currently happy with my hairstyle, but I shall consider it. Do you truly think growing my hair out will attract more ladies?

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: yes definitely r u kidding honey i love u but ur so ugly

(Deer) horsegirluwu: wow hilda thats not very nice

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: mari you literally bully lorenz all the time wym thats not nice

(Deer) horsegirluwu: i mainly make fun of things he can change he cant change the fact he was born ugly

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: You two are nothing more than harpies, and I refuse to stay here and be bullied. 

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Good day, ladies, and good riddance.

LorenzHGloucester has left the game.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: maybe i took it too far this time idk

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: its lorenz he’ll forget about it in a day when claude does something stupid again

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: excuse u i go afk for five goddamn minutes and come back to u claiming im gonna do stupid shit

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: who says im gonna do stupid shit huh

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: your past history of doing stupid shit provides a trend in data

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ok fair enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I know most of you have probably never heard of this game but it's every horse girl's dream game circa 2003. You got to be a cowgirl and lasso up horses and it was a trip. (I will plug this game for the rest of my life it was a childhood classic)


	8. Caspar the Barbie Addict

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Caspar orders himself a copy of the Barbie game, and becomes a Barbie Horse Adventures addict.

Caspartheghost —> Berniebear: hey u around cuz i bought myself a copy of that barbie game to see why marianne was so excited abt it

Caspartheghost —> Berniebear: and its lowkey rlly fun wanna come over and play some with me

Berniebear —> Caspartheghost: wait u bought yourself a copy??? where did u get the money for two copies

Caspartheghost —> Berniebear: i told u i saved up my allowance ive got cash to spare now cmon out of ur room and play barbie with me pls

Berniebear —> Caspartheghost: do i have to?

Caspartheghost —> Berniebear: yes now come play barbie :D come on barbie lets go party yes yes

Berniebear —> Caspartheghost: do you have snacks

Caspartheghost —> Berniebear: yes of course 

Berniebear —> Caspartheghost: ok fine

(Deer) horsegirluwu: caspar got me like a new mint condition copy of barbie holy shit

(Deer) horsegirluwu: i need to find out his supplier like this is in better condition than mine was before it got scratched

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: thats awesome mari

FlowerGirlFlayn has joined the game.

(Global) (Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Hello, Flayn. How are you today?

(Global) FlowerGirlFlayn: I am, as the hip kids would say: “fucking lit”!

(Global) (Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: flayn who taught you that

(Global) FlowerGirlFlayn: I am confused. Is there something wrong with that saying? 

(Global) FlowerGirlFlayn: I was under the impression that it meant one was full of vim and vigor. Does it mean something bad?

(Global) (Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: well uh the definition is right but you shouldnt really go around saying that 

(Global) FlowerGirlFlayn: How come? I do not understand why it is causing such an uproar.

(Global) FlowerGirlFlayn: I was led to believe it was a hip and cool saying.

(Global) (Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: just… dont say the word fuck around any of the adults okay

(Global) (Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: i am legitimately concerned your brother might murder whichever one of us is responsible for u learning that

(Global) FlowerGirlFlayn: Ah, yes. Brother can be a bit overprotective at times.

(Global) FlowerGirlFlayn: Is there a more appropriate term I should be using than “fucking lit”?

(Global) (Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: if you leave the word fucking out of that it should be fine.

(Global) FlowerGirlFlayn: Ah! I see! So I should simply respond with “lit”?

(Global) (Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: yes thats fine just whatever you do never say the word fuck around your brother

(Global) FlowerGirlFlayn: Alright. I can do that. 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: as long as nobody tells seteth about this i think we should be ok

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: hes so much of a boomer i dont think he knows mc exists so unless he hears flayn say fuck

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: i think well be ok i hope

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Do we know who taught her such vulgar language?

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: i sure hope it wasnt one of us i swear

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: i bet sylvain accidentally said it while she was in hearing distance or something

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: That seems probable. That could very likely be the case.

(Global) FlowerGirlFlayn: I forgot I had some things I needed to do. I am “boutta head out”. 

FlowerGirlFlayn has left the game.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: who tf taught her this shit this is like watching a boomer try to use slang 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: idk but its bad dude 

(Deer) horsegirluwu: she cant be a boomer cuz shes baby but her bro is boomer so

(Deer) horsegirluwu: she can be boomer jr because shes like a boomer but cuter

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: i hate that that rhymes lmao 

(Deer) horsegirluwu: ik its wonderful aint it :))

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: still lookin for a minecraft gf anyone interested

(Global) (Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Sylvain, just shut up.

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: :(

(Deer) horsegirluwu: what happened to the doors to our base

(Deer) Jeraltstan: Claude turned it into a secret door using redstone look around for a hidden button

(Deer) horsegirluwu: oh ok thx

(Deer) horsegirluwu: ok wow thats actually rlly cool damn like the wall just moves outta the way thats wild

(Deer) Jeraltstan: yea its pretty cool tbh 

(Deer) horsegirluwu: did he make any other cool redstone gizmos

(Deer) Jeraltstan: not yet, but from all the redstone stuff he’s been stockpiling i bet he plans to

(Deer) horsegirluwu: im not sure whether to be excited or scared

(Deer) horsegirluwu: because claude and redstone can either be amazing or terrifying

(Deer) horsegirluwu: or amazingly terrifying

(Deer) Jeraltstan: probs the third option would fit the most imo

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: hey marianne r u on

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: yo whats up

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: so i bought myself the barbie game right and its rlly fun

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: but i keep getting stuck on the race part of the snowy area any tips?

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: ok first of all when did u get this game

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: mine came as soon as i got ur replacement copy, sooooo yesterday

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: how the hell r u already on the snowy mountains then holy shit wtf

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: i uhhh have kinda been nonstop playing it since i got it

(Global) (Eagles) CrestTextbook: Caspar, are you saying you skipped class to play Barbie Horse Adventures?

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: no i skipped class so i could sleep cuz i was up all night playing barbie horse adventures

(Global) (Eagles) CrestTextbook: Understandable. Sleep is a good reason.

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: but yea mari i like need to know if there are more of these games 

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: there are more but none of them are as good as this one

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: awww man thats a bummer! im not great at this game but its rlly fun

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: wym ur not great at it its a barbie game a five year old could play it

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: ok first of all it says ages seven and up on the box

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: and second of all steering is hard when ur horse keeps tripping on the ice ok

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: do you not dismount for the little ice puzzles or

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: wait oh ya i forgot dismounting oops

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: how tf are u so far in the game if u keep forgetting basic functions

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: usually barbie will tell u exactly what to do ok this is harder than it seems

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: also is there a way to make barbie go to the gym or smthn she runs rlly slow

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: or is that a different game

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: barbie gym adventures or smthn

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: no u cant make barbie run faster

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: and barbie gym adventures isnt a thing

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: damn cuz a gym game sounds rlly fun

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: why do those weird cats on the trails eat apples i thought cats eat meat

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: caspar i dont rmr anything about cats on the trails

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: theyre like grey and they run at u if u dont feed em

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: caspar those are raccoons

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: oh that makes a lot more sense now thanks marianne :D

horsegirluwu —> CrestTextbook: bruh is he actually hardcore playing barbie horse adventures

CrestTextbook —> horsegirluwu: I believe so. Considering I keep hearing horse noises coming from his dorm room, it would be a logical explanation. 

horsegirluwu —> CrestTextbook: bruh

(Deer) horsegirluwu: did i accidentally convert caspar to a barbie addict

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: I believe you might have, yes.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: what the fuck have i done

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: hey mari are the stables irl this cool

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: wym

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: like do u get to dress up ur horse n shit

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: you cant magically change horses appearances irl caspar

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: ah damn thats a bummer

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: why are barbies horses cooler than ours then

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: why cant we get any spotted horses all our horses are like white or grey or brown and boring

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: idk man take that up with the people who run the stables

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: i dont control the horses and what kinds they have

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: i thought u could talk to horses tho

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: raph said u could talk to horses

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: cant u just ask the horse to like start growing cooler color fur

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: caspar do u actually have like 1 braincell

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: wow marianne i was just tryna bond with u over horses and u insult me?? D:

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: i see how it is ill shut up now and play my barbie in peace

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: and ur uninvited from coming over and playing minigames

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: caspar u never invited me

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: well i meant to but never did so ur uninvited

(Global) (Deer) horsegirluwu: caspar thats not how it works

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: Lin get her away from me shes bullying me

(Global) (Eagles) CrestTextbook: Caspar, she’s not near you in real life.

(Global) (Eagles) CrestTextbook: Just log off of minecraft and go back to playing barbie and you’ll be fine.

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: oh right

Caspartheghost has left the game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys so I seriously put in effort for this ch. I went and like sat down dusted off the old ps2 in my parents basement and loaded up my slightly scratched copy of Barbie Horse Adventures: Wild Horse Rescue. 10/10 would reccomend. I am dedicated when it comes to my shitposting.


	9. Gamers rise up!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Claude vows to end gamer oppression, and Lorenz reaches his limit and cannot take it anymore.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: is it just me or is shit getting boring around here

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: its not just u im pretty sure all of us agree with that

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: That is untrue. I am currently having an enjoyable time.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: ya but ur boring soooo

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ill ask teach if we can have like a minigame night or smthn

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: like survival games and stuff?

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: hell yea bro

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: What is survival games?

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: its like a last man standing battle its fun

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I’m assuming we’d still get to keep everything on this?

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Like it’d be a temporary thing, right?

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ya ofc its just an excuse to have some battles and pvp without anyone losing their shit

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: I would be amenable to some mock combat.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: how much do u wanna bet hes gonna be first one dead

(Deer) horsegirluwu: he sucks at pvp

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Is there a way that I can make it so I do not have to see Marianne’s rude messages?

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: press alt + f4 it will mute her

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Ah. Thank you, Claude.

LorenzHGloucester has left the game.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: lol claude stealin my tricks

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: excuse u thats an oldie but goldie u didnt make it

(Deer) horsegirluwu: true

(Deer) horsegirluwu: still funny tho

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: oh definitely

LorenzHGloucester has joined the game.

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: I despise all of you. You are all clowns.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: we live in a clown world lorenz

(Deer) horsegirluwu: its either honk or be honked

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: If we live in a clown world, then you and Claude must be the royal fools. 

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: The jesters of the professor’s court, if you will.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: not gonna lie if it pays well that sounds like a great job

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: I give up. You are all hopeless. To think, this man will be leading the Alliance one day.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: listen if you want the royal fool position once im on top my friend its all yours

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: i look out for my friends i gotchu homie I know its hard for u

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: What do you mean you know it is hard for me?

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: You are the one who makes my job hard, Claude.

(Deer) Jeraltstan: oh so its just ur job that’s hard huh?

(Deer) horsegirluwu: lmao

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: lmao

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Is there something funny, ladies? Am I the only one here who worries about our future?

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: We sit here playing trivial games like Minecraft while there are far more important matters to be attended to.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: thats right fellas we need to attend to the urgent matter of gamer oppression

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: when im leader of the alliance i swear to end the long era of oppression for gamers

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: we have lived in a society for far too long

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: now whos with me

(Deer) horsegirluwu: gamers rise up

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: gamers rise up

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Am I a joke to you?

(Deer) horsegirluwu: yes

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Marianne, if you do not stop this, I will report you to the professor for your conduct.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: wow ok i see how it is fuck you too

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: I am sorry, Marianne, but you pushed me to my limit. I was left with no other option.

PrettyGirlGoneril —> Jeraltstan: lorenz be like 

PrettyGirlGoneril —> Jeraltstan: i cant take it anymore

PrettyGirlGoneril —> Jeraltstan: im at my fucking limit

Jeraltstan —> PrettyGirlGoneril: lmao thats so fitting

EpicGamerClaude —> LorenzHGloucester: lorenz bro u aight? none of us rlly mean the shit we say online

EpicGamerClaude —> LorenzHGloucester: its all meant to be in good fun i swear we didnt mean to hurt ur feelings or anything

LorenzHGloucester —> EpicGamerClaude: It is fine, Claude. It just gets old being the “butt” of everyone’s jokes all the time.

EpicGamerClaude —> LorenzHGloucester: ill tell everyone to back off for a bit ok

EpicGamerClaude —> LorenzHGloucester: just please dont actually tell teach on marianne she will actually break down crying

LorenzHGloucester —> EpicGamerClaude: Of course I won’t tattle on Marianne. That was merely a jest.

EpicGamerClaude —> LorenzHGloucester: ok sweet just checking to make sure u good

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ill brb im gonna go track down teach and ask her abt like minigames n shit 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: aight cya my man

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: dont do anything stupid while im gone thats my job

EpicGamerClaude has left the game.

Artman445 has joined the game.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: well would u look whos back

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: long time no see ignatz where u been

(Deer) Artman445: Busy. 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: oh? with wut

(Deer) Artman445: I do not see how that is any of your business, Hilda.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ooo u were painting again werent u

(Deer) Artman445: No, actually, I wasn’t. I had this thing called homework, you see. 

(Deer) Artman445: You should try doing yours sometime. 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: that was uncalled for

(Deer) horsegirluwu: wow thats harsh

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: How come it is harsh when Ignatz insults people but not you, Marianne?

(Deer) horsegirluwu: because ignatz isnt known for being mean online duh

Supermeatboy has joined the game.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: oh hey raph whats up

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Hello, Raphael.

(Deer) Artman445: Hi, Raphael.

(Deer) Jeraltstan: sup raph

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ^

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Hi, Raph.

(Deer) Supermeatboy: hello everyone!!! :D

(Deer) Supermeatboy: did u guys know theyre gonna make roast turkey for dinner tomorrow

(Deer) Supermeatboy: im so excited I havent had real roast turkey in forever

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Raphael, didn’t we have it last month?

(Deer) Supermeatboy: ya as i said we havent had roast turkey in like forever im so excited :D

(Deer) Supermeatboy: its a shame my sis cant be here tho she loves turkey ;-;

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: awwww

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: im sure u can make her some when u get home to see her right

(Deer) Supermeatboy: but im rlly bad at cooking tho and i dont think i can make it as good as they do here D:

(Deer) Supermeatboy: wait u dont think turkey would last in the mail would it? 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: probably not :(

(Deer) Supermeatboy: i thought so :((( 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: but i bet if u ask the cooks for lessons theyd teach u

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: they love it when people compliment their food

(Deer) Supermeatboy: r u sure thats a good idea? i might break smthn by accident :(

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: listen raph if they can teach prof to cook they can teach anyone to cook

(Deer) Supermeatboy: but professor is rlly good at cooking tho!!

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: listen she wasnt when we first started

(Deer) Supermeatboy: wait rlly? i woulda thought a mercenary would know how to cook

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: like could make edible food? yes but was it good? no

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: when she first picked our house u rmr how she took claude and I and made us food right

(Deer) Supermeatboy: oh yeah i rmr i was super jealous 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: lets just say be glad u werent invited because it was not good like at all

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: but fr have u had her cooking recently

(Deer) Supermeatboy: oh ya she made me n Ignatz lunch the other day and it was rlly good! :D

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ya well she went to the cooks for help and they like taught her how to make good food n stuff

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: like if she can do it so can u i believe in u raph

(Deer) Supermeatboy: awww thx hilda :D

EpicGamerClaude has joined the game.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: guess what

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: chicken butt

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: teach said yes to survival games bitches

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: survival games happenin this friday awww yea

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: oooo yessss

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: and guess what else she said

(Deer) horsegirluwu: chicken butt

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: no

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: she did not say that

(Deer) horsegirluwu: ok then what she say

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: that shes gonna join in

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: wait rlly? damn

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: do u think shes any good at mc

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Considering she was the one who set up the server, I’d assume so.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: prof is a pro gamer???

(Deer) horsegirluwu: i wonder if she plays barbie horse adventures

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: nobody else but u plays that game mari

(Deer) horsegirluwu: caspar does

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ok but he doesnt count u converted him

(Deer) horsegirluwu: still counts imo

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: she apparently convinced some other people to play too

(Deer) Jeraltstan: oh like who?

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: she somehow roped her dad and alois into it

(Deer) Jeraltstan: did you say Jeralt was coming

(Deer) Jeraltstan: when is this survival games event

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: friday night be there or be square

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: nobody here better cube up i stg

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: i thought the term was square up

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: it was i just wanted to give it volume

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: what

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: nvm clearly my jokes are too smart for you

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: claude u literally have like a d rn

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: listen thats on purpose ive been calculating everything i do to get and keep a 69%

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: thats how bigbrain i am hilda get on my level

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly sometimes look at my life and wonder what I'm gonna go down for but now I've come to the realization its for a barbie horse adventures minecraft fire emblem crossover and I'm fine with that. Write that on my headstone when I die.


	10. The Chad Deer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of survival games, among other things.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ok asking teach to play survival games was a horrible idea wtf

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ur only saying that cuz u were first one dead from our house and she killed u

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: not true take that back

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: besides she killed u like right after u cant say shit either

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Claude, Hilda wasn’t the one claiming to be the “best gamer on this entire server.”

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: i said that cuz its true

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: love me or hate me im spittin straight facs tho

(Deer) horsegirluwu: i still cant believe i got killed by lorenz

(Deer) horsegirluwu: how did u learn to pvp so fast like bruh

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: It’s rather simple. I studied.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: how tf do u study minecraft pvp

(Deer) horsegirluwu: was there a class on it or smthn

(Deer) LorenzHGLoucester: I practiced. Plus, I asked the professor for assistance.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: lorenz

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: did you actually ask teach to teach you how to minecraft pvp

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: I did, in fact. She said if you needed any extra help to come during office hours, so I did. 

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: you went to her office hours

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: to learn minecraft pvp

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: im wheezing holy shit

(Deer) horsegirluwu: am i hallucinating or did lorenz just say he went to prof for minecraft help

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: if ur hallucinating its a shared one 

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Perhaps if you went and asked the professor for help you might do better in the next survival games, Claude.

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Yours truly got third place, just under the professor and her father. Would you like some tips?

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: no im good thanks

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: im just glad we creamed the other houses

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: i get to shove it in their royal highnesses faces that golden deer are top tier and they are all babies

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: because we managed to kill BOTH edelgard and dimitri so we best

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: the chad deer vs the virgin eagles and lions

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: one could argue the prof is the chad since she and her dad beat everyone

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: actually thats pretty true now that I think abt it

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: the chad prof vs the chad deer and the virgin eagles and lions

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: there u happy now

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: very

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: altho one could argue teach is part of chad deer since she teaches us but eh

OrdeliaOverlord has joined the game.

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: So I just found out that people who don’t like cake exist.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ??? lysi did you not know that some people dont like cake

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I didn’t think it was possible. Liking sweets is just part of the natural order of things. 

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Not liking them… just isn’t right.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: lmao

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: I can only come to one reasonable conclusion now. Felix isn’t human. 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: i thought that was already obvious by the way he acts was the cake what gave it away for you

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Yes.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: aww lysi ur so cute

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Do not call me cute.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: :)

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: These “villagers” have no business sense. Do they not understand that at their current prices they won’t have any customers?

(Deer) horsegirluwu: lorenz i dont think the villagers are sentient enough to set their own prices

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: I suppose you’re right, Marianne. I still believe it to be foolish.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: my perfect grade is ruined :(((

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: I would hardly call a D a perfect grade, Claude. 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: wym why is it ruined

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: teach has figured out that im purposely marking a lotta wrong answers 

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: and started grading them as if i got them right :((( because she knows i know this shit

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: teach has out bigbrained me i cant believe this shit

(Deer) horsegirluwu: and you’re complaining about this???

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: my 69% is ruined, my epic gamer status revoked

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: claude u can still be an epic gamer without having a d in the class

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: u dont get it hilda

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: u right i dont get it

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: do u know how many ppl would kill to get that treatment???

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: she makes me mf run and do pushups when she knows im not trying

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ngl thats actually rlly funny

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: because you’re lowkey swole i don’t doubt that shits easy for u

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: ok first of all im not swole

(Deer) horsegirluwu: yes u r

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: and even if i was even if its easy doesnt mean i wanna do it

Artman445 has joined the game.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: hey ignatz 

(Deer) Artman445: Were you all aware of how intense the professor is when fishing?

(Deer) Artman445: I was walking by the fishing pond, and I saw her literally effortlessly pull out an ancient monster fish from the depths and casually throw it into a bucket.

(Deer) Artman445: It was honestly frightening. 

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: oh thats just something the prof does

(Deer) Artman445: Why was I not aware of this? She’s like… scary good at fishing.

(Deer) Artman445: I hope we never have a fishing contest, because if there is one, we are all going to lose horribly.

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: nah i doubt there will be a fishing contest we are all too busy with school and minecraft and stuff

(Deer) horsegirluwu: and barbie horse adventures

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: …and barbie horse adventures for you and caspar

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: I fancy myself quite the fisherman. Why, once I even caught myself a Teutates Pike. 

(Deer) Artman445: I’m sorry lorenz, but a pike has nothing on the fish she caught. 

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: Oh? Do tell, Ignatz.

(Deer) Artman445: The thing was gorgeous, and its colorful scales shimmered in a way unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. 

(Deer) Artman445: It was mesmerizing.

(Deer) horsegirluwu: are you seriously in awe of a fish

(Deer) Artman445: Listen, Marianne, if you had seen that fish with your own two eyes you’d agree with me.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: honestly tho why havent we beat the ender dragon yet

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: this servers been goin for a while now im honestly surprised nobody’s gone full tryhard

(Deer) Jeraltstan: thats because we are all too busy killing each other to kill a dragon

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: now that u say that it makes sense

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: yknow we should kill the enderdragon to assert that we are the best house

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: show a little golden deer pride yfeel

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: If we are going to kill this dragon, I shall have to restock our health potion supply.

(Deer) LorenzHGloucester: After our last… incident we are running a bit low on them.

(Deer) Jeraltstan: incident is putting it too nicely Lorenz

(Deer) Jeraltstan: i think a better term for it would be invasion lol

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: I didn’t start it this time at least

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: blame lysi she was the one who killed felix

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: He called me a baby. I couldn’t let that go unpunished.

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: And you of all people have no right to be criticising me.

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Mister “I didn’t do anything horrible. I only covered her base in lava.”

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: love her or hate her

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: lysi spittin straight facs claude 

(Deer) Jeraltstan: why are there odd looking skeletons in the nether

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: leonie do u have ur combat armor on u?

(Deer) Jeraltstan: no. i just came here to get some more quartz

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: then stay tf away from those things they are evil 

(Deer) Jeraltstan: okay. not worth losing my stuff over some stupid skeleton anyways 

(Deer) Jeraltstan: wait a second i think I see hubert doin smthn over in the distance

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: That’s odd. Hubert doesn’t normally stray far from Edelgard.

(Deer) Jeraltstan: let me see if I can get closer and zoom in with optifine for a better view

(Deer) Jeraltstan: I think he’s building something

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: oh? what is he buildin

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: can you tell?

(Deer) Jeraltstan: it looks pretty complicated tho

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: leonie is he near a mob spawner

(Deer) Jeraltstan: those r the blocks that look like cages with spinny things in em right?

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: ya thats it

(Deer) Jeraltstan: then ya he is

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: fuck he’s building a grinder i think

(Deer) Jeraltstan: a grinder?

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: an xp and mob drop farm, which means theyll get mad good enchants faster

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: thats not good hey leonie give me ur coords pls

(Deer) Jeraltstan: why?

(Deer) OrdeliaOverlord: Leonie, do not give him your coordinates. He will do something stupid again like try to blow it up.

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: excuse you I would not

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: at least not this time

(Deer) Jeraltstan: ok then just what were u planning to do then Claude?

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: yknow how we got a few chests of eggs from our auto chicken farm

(Deer) Jeraltstan: ya

(Deer) EpicGamerClaude: well imma chickenbomb em

(Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: claude no


End file.
